by Carol Oude Meilink
Making yourself available doesn’t require perfection, having the right answers, or even having the right words. It simply requires us as parents to slow down in a world that finds us chasing deadlines with upside down priorities. How would your child or teen describe your capacity to be fully available for them if they had an important question? Would they describe you as easily distracted, rushed, or only “half listening” due to your busy agenda? Isn’t it interesting how we as parents expect our children to respectfully listen when we offer parental guidance, but we sometimes forget to give our full attention when they need our advice. Simple acts like taking time out to introduce one-one connection, putting the phone down, softening our body language, and offering our full attention as a response to verbal curiosity, sends a powerful message – “you matter, and I’m here”.
Listening is more than hearing the words spoken. It also requires tuning into the emotion at hand, or allowing for a comfortable silent pause while reflecting on what has been said to you. Young people don’t always approach us with their concerns. Sometimes these are communicated with limited verbal indicators, efforts to use humour, or by venting their frustration. When we respond to these efforts with validation instead of correction or offering solutions, they learn to grow emotionally with confidence. Feeling heard helps young people feel safe, and safety is an important base-line toward connection, resilience, and mental wellbeing.
Equally, for parents and professionals, being available means resisting the urge to fix, minimise, or move on too quickly. It means allowing children and teens to tell their stories in their own time and in their own way. Even a few minutes of genuine attention can have a lasting impact. These moments teach young people that their thoughts and feelings are valid without judgement, and that they are supported.
Now we are into the new year, let’s choose presence over pressure. Let’s pause long enough to listen, to notice, and to be with our kids just as they are. Sometimes, the most meaningful support we can offer isn’t advice or action, it is simply being available for them and planting the seed that cultivate simple, mutual connection.
